My sub english teacher (My other had a baby) doesn't have very high standards, so this is as good as a story I'm forced to write this long is going to get. It's far from being finished. [QUOTE]

My Best Friend

We don't always see eye to eye. We don't look or act alike. We can't read each other's minds or finish each other's sentences. What can I say? We aren't twins. You don't need to be to great friends.

I don't approve of many of the things she does and says, and we are consantly arguing. Her boyfriend hates me. But we've been the best of friends since second grade. Some people ask why or how. I used to be one of those people, until last year. I finally realized why and how.

It was the beggining of the seventh grade year. Kelsey walked into the gym where we all waited for the first period bell. I could tell immediately that she had changed in the three months they had spent apart. I had spent the summer in New Mexico and we hadn't kept in touch. Her wavy red hair was as straight as a board. Her bright blue eyes were exagerated by mascara, eyeliner, and pink eyeshadow. In fact, she had applied makeup to her entire face! This absolutely shocked me! She had sworn to never wear a bit of makeup. Yet there she stood, pink cheek, lips and, eyes.

"Over here!" I yelled from where I sat with a few other friends in the noisy bleachers. Her face lit up immediately and she walked to us while waving frantically. Her behavior seemed normal, but the way she walked was quick to catch my attention. She took long, brisk strides. With each step she showed authority, power. It was intimidating. I looked to my other friends, they seemed much less phased. They had either become accustomed to these new attributes, or they were a cause for them. At least her clothing was still normal, a pair of old faded jeans and a red Abercrombie shirt.

"I've missed you soooo much!" She exclaimed once she had plopped down beside Emily and me. Kelsey gave me a short hug and turned to Emily. Emily, another of my buddies, said, "We've missed you too!" And gave Kelsey a hug.

After a few more hugs, we got down to business.
"I have Mr. Leo for math first period." Emily said.
"I have him second. I have Mr. Kay for History first." Karry said.
I have him second period too." Caity announced.
"I have Ms. Duneburry first period for English." I said.

"Oh my gosh! Like, me too" Kelsey screamed. "Doesn't her name remind you of those purses, you know the Dooney and Bourkes?" This threw me way off. Oh my gosh? Like? These were things I might say, or Emily and Karry. Never Kelsey. I was surprised she even knew what Dooney and Bourke was. She was never into fashion.

But instead of questioning it, I went along. "Oh my gosh! I have one one of those!" I said holding up my bag. Kesley gasped, along with a few others my group."

"No way!"
"Way!" I told Kelsey. "I thought you would have had one by now." I lied.
"My mom says $145 is too much for an ugly purse".
"Ugly?" the other girls and I exclaimed.
"You know my mom." She said.

"Briiiiiiiing" the bell sounded. As I walked to first period I chatted with Kelsey, wondering what had happened to the girl I had known three months before.


Chapter 2

As a the weeks passed I began realized how little I knew this red-headed girl who looked so much like Kelsey Johnson. We had a few disagreements before, like any friends. But around the end of thefirst month I knew the friendship we shared would never be the same. Kelsey had began wearing short skits and as short a sleeve as she could to school since tank tops wer'en't allowed, and her shirts were barely long enough to cover all the skin that was required by the dress-code.

I had always been jealous of my friends. Blond-haired Emily, Karry, and Caity had silky beautiful hair. Mine was my least favorite color, black. It wasplain and straight. They were also pretty. Karry had soft blue eyes that reminded me of the color of the sky. Caity and Emily both had brown eyes, alomost red. I would have killed for thier eyes. Mine were a plain, boring brown. And Caity's freckles looked adorable against her pale skin. Guys certainly thought they were. That was the one thing they all noticed about her. But Kelsey, she had always been the most beautiful to me. Her hair was the most amazing color of red. Not too bright, but it still stood out in a crowd. Her eyes were the color of a swimming pool. No one could ignore her eyes. Her freckles looked even better than Caity's. Now she was trying to overdo it, and I couldn't take it anymore.

One Friday, Kelsey strut into the gym wearing a tiny black skirt and a tight red shirt. When she approached, I attacked. "What's wrong with you?" I asked, my voice oerflowing in anger. "What are you talking about?" She asked with a giggle. My other friends were off with another group. "What happened to you over the summer?" I asked as my anger turned to rage. "You wear the smallest amount of clothes you can! You prance around like you own the place and you wear way too much makeup!"
"You've gone insane!" She said looking at me with wide eyes. I stood and stormed off.

I went straight to my Karry, Caity, and Emily. When I was standing directly behind them, I tapped them each on the shoulder and walked off. They obediently followed.
"What is it?" Caity asked when she saw the expression on my face which, judging by the looks the three gave me, must have been trrifying. "Kelsey!" I blurted.

"I know she's changed," Karry said, "but I thought you guys were getting along." The others nodded. "You agree with what she's doing.?" I asked fearfully. "No, not really." Karry said. "But we've tried to talk her out of all this, but she won't listen."
So we've learned to live with it." Said Emily. I looked at the ground with a frown. They were right. I hadn't even tried to talk to her, I yelled. I didn't try to accept it.

"I don't think I can be friends with her though." I said sadly.
"That's fine but try not to make a new enemy!" Said the motherly Candace Lole, who had obviously overheard the conversation. No one liked Candace much, she was the school nerd. Big, strange looking glasses. A narrow face and greasy black air. A know-it-all attitude covered up the fact that she knew nothing. I didn't have the strength to argue. "Thank you Candace." I said with a tone of annoyance.

"I think she may be right for once." Caity stated.That was the day I discovered my pet-peeve, lectures from my friends. It was more frustrating than anything I had ever experienced, and I coldn't say anyhing back.

I gave a small wave to the girls and dragged myself to find Kesley. However, she found me first. "Okay, I thought about what you said" She explained. "And I guess I get your point. How 'bout we go shopping tomorrow and you can pick out a few outfits for me." She smiled, showing that the crack wasn't meant to be rude. I laughed and nodded my head. "Works for me. You don't even know what size you wear." She giggled and put her hand up for a high five. Just as I put my hand down the bell rang.

"Come on." I said still laughing. Just as we reached the bottom of the bleachers, a short, thin boy came up to Kelsey. Kelsey knew him pretty well but I had never met him.
Kelsey...can I talk to you." He asked "Um...'k." Kelsey said, so I walked ahead. I had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomache. I couldn't remember the boys name, but I did remember his reputation as a trouble maker and extreme practical-joker.

"Oh my gosh!" Kelsey sped in front of me and spun around quickly. I came to such an abrupt stop that I almost fell backward."Kevy just asked me out!"
"Kevy?" I asked without surprise. It was obvious what he was going to ask.
"You're right," she giggled. "Kevin."
I couldn't tell her not to go out with him, and it was apparent that she said yes. "Great." I said in the most sincere way that I could.

"How bad could it be?" I thought. Let me give you a heads up, I was wrong.

Chapter 3
I awoke at 7:30 A.M. the next day to go to the mall with Kelsey. As I brushed my hair I wondered how the day would go. Would I like hanging out at the mall with the new Kelsey? Just then my phone rang, awakening me from my daze. "Hey." I gave my usual greeting to whoever it was on the other end.

"This is Kels." Kelsey sid. "I can't make the mall today." She said.
"What?" I shouted into the reciever. I didn't know if I was more relieved or Angered.
"Well..."she started, "Kevin-" "Kevin?! I knew it!" I slammed down the phone. I knew which I was then, angry.

I spent he rest of the weeknd wondering how I would face Kelsey Monday. Or any of the other girls for that matter.

Finally the day came.

"Briiiiiiiing" the bell sounded. As I walked to first period I chatted with Kelsey, wondering what had happened to the girl I had known three months before.

// Briiing, the bell sounded.

I felt on the whole this was diary like, it seemed slightly objective ("And then style") and the plot bored me, I wasn't captivated by this. However this may be because of teh genre of the piece.

Remember, when a different character is speaking start a new line:

Bill pulled out a gun and froze dead on the spot, looking down the barrel his eye was trained on one thing only, the mango.
"Stick 'em up!" Bill ordered, still panting.
"NEVER," The mango screamed in a high pitched voice, it went to bounce.
"Then be prepared to die." Click. Bang. The mango was dead.


It helps organise and make it easy for the reader to understand who is speaking.

I was going to mention about the new sentences for people talking as well, but since he already did, I don't need to. So I'm just noting it.

Other than that, I do like it...I mean, it appeals to me because ... I like these kind of stories. BUT I'd have to say, it confused me a little. The whole story went a little too fast for me. It was like, this happened, and then this...and then this...and I was like, "Whoa, what?"

So, it went a little fast. But if you continue it...it wouldn't be so bad, I guess. And I do want to read more. ^-^ And I love diary style writings. I sometimes write like that.

Oops. I meant to do that with the quotes. lol I wasn't all there when I rewrote this on my computer.

And that's the style I have to write it in for English. I get bored writing like that. And the fast thing is just how I get on these, it keeps me from getting bored reading my own story. lol Besides, it's going to take forever. :(

It's a chicky story Adam of course you won't be captivated by it. :P


I liked it. I can definatley relate. Most of the girls in my school are like that. They're perfectly fine looking and then they go and start showing themselves off. *imitates them and does a preppy stupid girl voice*"Hehe, hi! I'm Jess! I wear a push-up bra and low cut shirts so boys stare at me! Hehe!"


<_<


That was based off of a girl at my school believe it or not.



Yeah, they pointed out everything that I could think of. :)




~Mel

Thanks! :) It's based off of one of my real friends. I still don't know how I'm going to make it to show why we are still friends, I'm having a major writer's block at the wrong time! It's due in two weeks and it could be the best story I've ever written but it wouldn't do me any good if I don't have it finished.

LOL! Darn, why the hell do UK schools have to wear a uniform LOL!

But there are some tarts at our school, who undo all there shirt buttons etc....

Tarts??? lol That's a new one. I'm gonna replace fruit with it.

Here's some more of the story. The due dates been extended! YAY!

Finally the day came. I walked into school with determination in my eyes. I couldn't let my friends think I was afraid of them or cared what they had said or thought about me. Letting such emotions show would allow them to think they were in control, and that wasn't about to happen! I had even selected an outfit that showed I wasn't going to back down from them. A bright orange, long-sleeved shirt showed that I wasn't trying to hide. In contrast, my khaki pants showed that I was not hostile, or upset. My pink sneakers, which didn't match the rest of the outfit showed that I needed to work things out with them. We had learned to communicate through out clothes, so we knew how to approach each other every day. No one was sure of Kelsley lately but we only really paid attention if someone's clothes stood out or seemed in any way peculiar. I tried harder than ever to make my message clear.

As I scanned the halls my eyes landed on Emily. "Em?" I said warily. "Hey Ch-What are you wearing?" She screamed startled. I looked her in the eye and she understood almost immediately. She sized-up my outfit. "I don't know what's going on...You aren't blaming me are you?" She asked as her sparkling eyes widened. "No, it's more for K." I said.
"Kelsey? I think I heard something about that from Caity. Something about Kevin?" My blood began to boil when she mentioned Kevin's name. I nodded my head slowly. "Have you seen Caity?" I asked. If she knew about it then I needed to get to her before Kelsey had her completely brainwashed. "I think I saw her with Karry walking to the cafeteria." I rushed away without even saying "Good-bye" to poor Emily. As I ran, slowing to a walk when I passed Miss Gregory, a new math teacher, I pondered what would happen if word spread.

After what seemed hours, I reached the cafeteria doors."I can't go in there like this..." I whispered to myself. I was sweating. Partly from running, partly from nerves. My hair was a mess and my makeup was smudged all over my face. I inhaled deeply. I took a mirror from my bag and reapplied my makeup and flattened my hair with my hand. I was still a tiny bit frizzy but it would have to do. Standing straight and tall, with my head held high, I marched through the doors with confidence and could hardly wait to speak with Caity and Karry. I knew I could get them on my side.



It isn't much more. And it isn't as good, but My teach will get ovr it.

Tarts - A slang term for girls that dress promiscously and constantly are after men

THe story wasa good, however the first sentence I would change to "The day finally came." It just sounds better in my opinion.

"As I scanned"

The word "as" can be deadly in writing, try:

"I scanned the halls. My eyes landed on Emily."

Or maybe put a comma there.

Remember to start a new line when a new person is speaking.

I like how you start and end with a short sentence.

Although this isnt my genre of reading or writing I thought it was good, however the speech grammatisation ruins the flow of the piece. I also like how you craft the first person and there is a voice growing there, the more you write this , themore the voice of the first person will become apparent.

Thanks!!! :D I'll work on the flow of it and the first sentence. I hope I have time to fix it up before the due date... :*X|: