We had to write a satire as our last paper. While this paper was assigned a lot of debate was going on about whether or not the Harry Potter books should be banned, so i made a satire on that.

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It was a rather large room, rundown and shabby, with multiple lights needing to be replaced. People crowded around, the few chairs that were there had already been taken. A shabby table was place in the center of room covered with the finest foods. Tea bags shipped directly from Columbia, plates of the finest caviar, boxes of truffles and other assorted chocolates. A small stage was placed in the front of the room, upon which stood a rather outlandish looking figure with an imposing air of authority. He was well dressed in a crisp suit and a dark blue tie that sported brilliant, bright stars. Perched upon his nose were half-moon spectacles, half-hiding his sparkling blue eyes, which seemed full of knowledge and wisdom. One thing stood out above all though, his long and wispy, silvery hair. That and his distinct long beard that reached almost to his waist. He raised his hands, glancing around the room to see all who was there, and silence instantly fell upon the room.
“This meeting has been convened tonight in order to discuss the despicable works of fantasy, particularly Harry Potter,” his voice rang clearly through the room, as all stood captivated, waiting to see how the meeting would progress.
Amidst the crowd one raised his hand hopefully, “Might I make a suggestion Mr. Dimplydore?” Mr. Dimplydore eyed the tall, redhead warily. He was in shabby clothes, wearing pants at least two inches too short, and a scruffy sweater that looked like it had been knitted by his mother. His face, although pale, was covered in freckles.
With a sigh Mr. Dimplydore nodded, “Go on then Pucey.” He often found Pucey to be a bit of a people pleaser and a suck up too. Though he was often the most outspoken and smartest when it came to solutions.
“Obviously something has to be done with these disastrous books,” he spat, drawing in attention from the crowd. “We cannot let them fill our children’s heads with such silly, corrupt ideas! We cannot sit here and watch our children join cults, convinced they will see some form of magic. No. We cannot let them carry around those crude wands! Nor shall we let them run around in hopes of flying on those ludicro-“ but he was interrupting by a loud crack followed by a crash and line of swearing.
“These chairs are awful! We must have enough money to replace these stupid, broken, shabby, run-down chairs!!!” came the angry voice from somewhere amongst the crowd. The leg had snapped off his chair, not unlike so many before it.
But before any remarks could be made there was a loud abrupt knock on the door but a messenger stepped in just before it could be opened for him. He ran up on stage to Mr. Dimplydore, “Sir, a group of kids were just discovered on the roof smoking pot. What do you suggest we do about it?”
“Oh just leave them be. I’m sure it won’t bring too much harm, probably a one-time thing. Just for kicks, you know how it goes.“ The messenger shrugged, raising his eyebrows and turning to leave in a bit of a hurry.
“As I was saying . . . “ Pucey continued, “We must find a way to rid our society from these corruptive books. We cannot continue to let our children live in such a poisonous atmosphere!” A murmur of assent followed his speech. A few more hands shot up in hopes of voicing their opinions.
Mr. Dimplydore eyed those hand wavers with a cautious, beady eye, “Yes, Ms. Troluney.” he said, whilst taking in her appearance, she had rather bushy, frizzy, blonde hair and layer upon layer of shawls wrapped around her. She had on far too many bead necklaces, and huge, thick glasses, making her eyes rather large and bug-like.
“They could always be drowned. The books I mean . . .” She said in a rather soporific voice. There then followed a murmur of disapproval along with surprisingly a few agreements for such a ludicrous suggestion.
“They’d all dive down and fetch them! Them kids are so attached to those blasted books!” Came an angry outcry from somewhere in the rabble.
Pucey, coughed loudly and pompously for attention, as he once again made sure he was heard, “Perhaps it would be best, if you’ll pardon me for saying so, to burn them all. There would, obviously, be no remains for kids to scramble for, and there’s very little hassle involved.”
“Ah, but there brings up yet another issue. How do we find all the books? After we ban them from everywhere, how are we supposed to rid the homes of these atrocious attempts at literature and make sure that they aren’t smuggled in from somewhere?” Mr. Dimplydore pointed out.
“We could have a raid, search every home, we already know our homes are safe from these hated books, if you could even call them that. But what if we have traitors amongst us?” someone called out.
There was another loud knock at the door and yet another messenger scrambled in, in his hand was the door handle to the door he’d just opened. He had a rather surprised and almost guilty look to his face. The boy was obviously trying to not disturb the meeting too much, but absolute silence reigned as he made his way up to Mr. Dimplydore. “Sir. . . there’s been a fight. Some kids with a gun and one with a knife.”
Mr. Dimplydore sighed and hesitated, “Take away the weapons, give them a warning this time and politely ask them to try other means of conflict resolution next time.” With a nod the messenger backed up and departed as quick as was polite, leaving the broken doorknob not too far from the door entrance.
“A raid would take too long. It would be best if we posted warnings, arresting anyone who holds possession over such insidious books. What books can be taken away I suggest we follow . . .” But he was unable to complete is suggestion for there was yet another loud knock on the door before a messenger hurried his way in.
This time, though, he didn’t bother to go up to Mr. Dimplydore, leaning over on his knees trying to catch his breath, he announced, as best he could, “Someone’s set . . . set fire to . . . to the school!”
Mr. Dimplydore sighed rather fiercely, “Good lord, do I have to put out the fire?! Is there really no one competent enough to put it out, for goodness sake it’s only a bunch of teenagers!” He turned to address the room, only to find it in absolute disarray as people scrambled for an exit.
In the following weeks, despite the majority of the school building having been burned down, funding went toward the riddance of the Harry Potter series. The school soon met a sticky end and was shut down by the government for not meeting the safety code. To this day that devoted group of parents and teachers is earnestly trying to make the schools safer by removing the Harry Potter series from all shelves.