The diary- a small book with a cover of crimson leather. A shining gold logo is in the very center- the Gryffindor crest. At every corner there is, in the same color as the crest, a mock corner only millimeters away from the true one. There is no lock on this: magic keeps the words invisible to prying eyes. Open the cover and the first thing to be seen are two pages of taupe parchment and a label reading:

This Book Belongs To

Melanie Hunter

The off-white parchment pages continue throughout the rest of the book, which only appears to have about 100 pages, but, because of a charm, actually has 500.


This is Melanie's diary. In it she reveals everything. She knows that someone could easily locate it, remove the spells, and find out all of her horrible secrets, but it's a risk she's willing to take.

30th December, 2003


Alex told me to write in here because it would make me feel better than him listening to me would. I think he's just sick of me, but I'll do it anyway. He's been nicer to me than I can ever remember him being, so I'm trying to do something for him.

I don't know what to do with myself, I'm more miserable than I've ever been. Liam broke up with me and took Mark with him, leaving me entirely alone. Why would he do that when he knows how I get when I'm alone? What bothers me more is why he would suddenly bring it up like he did. I hadn't done anything wrong, in fact, I had barely even spoken to him for a few days. I'm afraid that he knows I don't support The Family anymore....That's what Alex is telling me to believe. Deep down I'm afraid that he was cheating on me again. He's done it before, why not do it again? It's not like I'm any different than I was the last time, I'm still a pig.

Mark isn't here and I can't stand it. I've never been without him for more than a few hours at a time. I need him so much, just to hear him laugh or see him smile would make me feel better. I'm scared to death that I'll never be able to get 'good enough' for Liam to let me see him again. The next time I'll see him he might be doing everything on his own.

No, Liam couldn't figure out how to get him to do all of that stuff without me. Oh god...what if he gets someone else to help him and he falls for her?

If Liam doesn't take me back I'm giving up hope. I know that chances of me finding someone else who doesn't mind my disease is rare, especially since I could die any day now.

I'm doing everything I can to get better, though. He did it for me, it's the least I can do to do it for him. Even though...for him it was more major than this. I don't know what it is that makes me not right, though. Alex told me that I have a tendency of being overly emotional and annoying.

I've been coughing a lot lately. I don't know if I'm sick, but I feel like it. I'm not telling Alex, though. He'll worry too much.

I miss Mark.

I still love Liam to death.

I miss Kiley and Ian.

Why can't this all be over?













~Mel

Dear Diary,
I hate saying that. This is the last entry that of mine that will say dear diary because it’s pointless. I’m not actually writing a letter to you, because you don’t exist. Thinking that you do exist would make me crazier than I actually am.
I don’t know why I’m writing in here again, but it’s easier than going to real therapy. I just realized, though. I can’t believe it’s taken me almost three years! I hate myself for it, I’m pathetic…a leech!
I was talking to AJ today- surprising, I know. I’ve barely ever talked to him before. He was asking me about my family and everything that’s happened to me and I realized…after telling him about ‘it’. Well, I don’t really know how do explain it other than saying that…everything I do and have done in the past three years, I’ve done because I’m trying to get people to love me. Even for a second. All I’ve been doing is sucking false love and kindness out of people like a parasite. Call it a Mommy Complex, Mommy Issues, whatever you want to. Really- looking back on everything I’ve done, though, it’s all been for some kind of attention. Not to be the center of attention, but for the general attention of people. I guess I wanted people to remember that I was human, too. Which makes sense to me, as much as I don’t want to believe it.
Oh, I HATE this! God- now I’m crying and everything. Why do I have to cry all the time? No one even notices anymore, they’re all used to it. It’s not like that ploy works. Or maybe this time I’m crying because I’ve finally realized how f*cked up my mind really is.

I want someone who can love me. Who won’t leave me, and is okay with reminding me of how much he loves me. I need someone who needs me and needs my love as much as I need theirs. I just need someone who loves me who won’t abandon me for once! For once! I’m so sick of being left behind- left at all. It’s so tiring to think that I finally have something good going then to have it taken away as soon as I do. Nothing is fair for me, I never get the good things out of life anymore, I always get hell.
I still have Mark. I still have Mark.
Alex and Ian need me.
Oh god…how blind have I been lately? They’re in their third year now…Alex is fourteen. They’re growing up and…I don’t know what to do when they don’t need me. They do need me, though…for now. I love them so much, but I can’t give them everything I feel like I need to. We had to stay at Hogwarts this summer. Well, it’s not that we had to, it’s more that I felt safer having a stable environment. Particularly one where I didn’t have to pay. They don’t deserve any of this. They deserve so much better. I would have found a better place for them a long time ago if I wasn’t afraid of losing them forever…or them losing each other. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I need them around.
The times whenever Mark is with Liam are the hardest. I’m always worrying, always lonely, never having him to calm me down or make me feel better. Calm me down? What kind of a horrible parent am I? I should be the one helping him, not the other way around.

I’m a mess. Why someone just love me like I need them too?